Facing the Precipice

My husband’s eldest brother died this week. It did not come as a complete surprise, given his hermit-like existence. We often wondered how he sustained himself. We knew he had Canadian health insurance provided, and probably some kind of social assistance to allow him to eat. But his appearance at rare family occasions always looked like he was barely surviving. He hadn’t worked in twenty-five years. It’s not that he retired.  He just stopped trying. He unplugged from society. His mousy grey hair sprouted from all sides, with a balding spot widening with each year. His beard was a similar color and crept down his shirt. His skin was a pasty pallor. He rolled his own cigarettes. We’re not sure where he lived or whether he had showering facilities. He often filled the room with a putrid odor, causing us to believe a shower was either a luxury or something he didn’t think was important. We had heard at one point that he was living in the corner of a warehouse with only a bed and a sink with cold water. We suspected he had some sort of autism that remained undiagnosed.

Most of us view retirement as a respite from the commute and the stress of a day filled with activities. If we love our jobs, it becomes difficult to imagine life without work. It is a time to let go and look forward to new explorations… to learn something new, spend time with family and friends. Rather than unplugging from society, most of us get more involved. What brings meaning to this new chapter? It requires we still have a purpose, a reason to wake up in the morning and feel productive. For many of us, thinking about what shape this will take does not enter our consciousness until we are faced with it. Thinking about the next phase of our life is also facing mortality, not a pleasant thought. We avoid it and therefore avoid thinking about how we will spend our time.

Then the day comes, whether forced upon us or planned. It’s like standing at a precipice and looking across a wide chasm, trying to figure out how to get to the other side. Jump? Take a parachute? Hire a plane? And what is on the other side? Do we have a vision or are we just jumping into it with our eyes closed screaming at the top of our lungs in either celebration or utter fear of the unknown?

Successful retirement is not retirement at all. It is a time to relax but stay busy. For some, it’s a time to focus on one’s self with more doctor appointments. For others, its getting more involved with healthy living, taking up running, Pickleball or Pilates. Or it may include volunteer work to give back to the world from our experience and knowledge, travel, or taking a course. Often, introverts become more extroverted, while extroverts take on a pensive, quieter existence. We all strive to explore the unexplored, to bring balance to our lives. To do what we never had time to do before. We lift our faces to the sun and take in the world with a new perspective.

For my husband’s brother, we’re not sure he found a way to celebrate his existence or give back. He just lived day to day. What motivated him to get up every morning? Did he see the sun and rejoice? His last two weeks were in the hospital without visitors. The staff did not know if he had any relatives. They finally found his three daughters who were unaware that he was in the hospital. Very sad.

If we all think of retirement as a time to ensure we make the world a little better than it was before, we’ll wake up with a purpose that will be motivating and exciting. Otherwise, we will just exist and then disappear without any impact, like dust in the wind.

15 Replies to “Facing the Precipice”

  1. well written but hoping Larry’s girls don’t follow your blog…..??????  

    From: Maxene Raices To: calawson@rogers.com Sent: Saturday, February 3, 2018 10:15 AM Subject: [New post] Facing the precipice #yiv0349123329 a:hover {color:red;}#yiv0349123329 a {text-decoration:none;color:#0088cc;}#yiv0349123329 a.yiv0349123329primaryactionlink:link, #yiv0349123329 a.yiv0349123329primaryactionlink:visited {background-color:#2585B2;color:#fff;}#yiv0349123329 a.yiv0349123329primaryactionlink:hover, #yiv0349123329 a.yiv0349123329primaryactionlink:active {background-color:#11729E;color:#fff;}#yiv0349123329 WordPress.com | hotlantamax posted: “My husband’s eldest brother died this week. It did not come as a complete surprise, given his hermit-like existence. We often wondered how he sustained himself. We knew he had Canadian health insurance provided, and probably some kind of social assistan” | |

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      1. I realize I’m a bit late to the comment section here but one thing one can learn from a weirdo out of touch family black sheep is if you don’t want to say something to ones face don’t say it maybe. Or judge people who happen to not fit into the same little box everyone else does. So,someone maybe is autisic had mental disorders has a different way of living their life then pretty much everyone else so they should be put down after death? Their motives for living each day questioned? He may have not reached out to any one , pretty much just took life as it came ; felt isolated inferior but he never had a bad thing to say about anyone. It may not seem like a whole lot to anyone but to learn to be open to others not judge not hurt people and not everyone has the same journey and path in life, to be a dreamer have outrageous ideas no one else makes sense of… it’s not all bad. It wasn’t everyone’s way but it was his way.

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      2. Yeah I get that I just wondered who of us read this and went yep looks good sounds exactly right,,, I never seen it maybe my sister did and this is what she was saying about made her cry so much before the funeral … I’ll have to ask my other one see if she read this and has no problem with it. One thing I take issue with… ha one thing.,, mostly is the implication he was dying in the haiotal for two weeks before anyone clued in that he had family. Kinda hard when the person is so sick and so bad off they barely know who they are never mind any family. So typical of father just practically die on your own before seeking help walk on your own into the hospital in total heart failure and be pretty much comatose for ten days or so…. because he didn’t want anyone to be put out worrying about him. I don’t know what happened in his life that made him think that was alright… I have some ideas but who knows right. And it doesn’t matter now anymore. My sisters were both there when he passed he wasn’t alone. Several friends of ours have good memories of dad when he was younger and we did the family thing. We have good memories of it. Yeh he was a bit weird and out there but he was an alright person. I know all you guys saw was an epic failure at life but he was more then that. I hope wherever he’s at he’s peaceful. Sometimes when a person breaks so many times they just sorta stay in pieces and can’t be put back. And that’s what’s sad… not what he may or may not have contributed to this life. And his odd personal life aside he’s got three kids who all have done pretty well in life and one grand child who I’m pretty sure is going to go on and change this world in a big way, maybe even a few of them will. What’s left behind is also important and he influenced all of us in some way. He was an alright person, he tried.s it may not have seemed it later but there was a time where he did try.

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      3. Kim: I totally get what you are saying about your Dad. And you are right, even though he struggled in this world, he left three girls who are managing quite well and will continue the Mcguire legacy of productive, stand up kinds of people.

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  2. As others have already commented, quite thought-provoking. I would add my own philosophy which applies throughout life and that is “life is an adventure“. Waking up each day with purpose is vital to one’s mental health. Waking up with a smile and gratitude for one small thing is the icing on the cake. Keep up the writing.

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  3. You have so succinctly put into words an accurate picture of what retirement should be. For those of us who have not fully understood that phase of life financially, it becomes a challenge to still enjoy life moving the many puzzle pieces around to maintain an interesting life. Your perspective is refreshing and so clear.

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